Its the 1st of a new month today and ever since I woke up there was a sense of lightness in mind, at the same time a feeling that I was forgetting something. Then I remembered ,my monthly rent and the fact that I no longer have to pay it. If there was anything that the pandemic(forcefully) taught me, it is to show me what mattered and what didn't (eg. half my clothes). The highlight of this all has to be moving back to my hometown and founding
Paper Garden .
I always told myself I needed a lot more to do something like this. More money, more skill, more connections, more work space and funniest of all, look a certain way to achieve something. Ironically I still have none of this. Sure I was able to improve my skills and save more money during the pandemic but its not so much that would normally push me to launch a brand. Truth is, all of the things I thought I needed were excuses for wanting perfection and control. And control feels like a humorless joke right now while starting a business from scratch..
In reality almost all the things that lead to this decision came from the inside. Because I still look the same, have the same people around me (lesser maybe) and the same fears . What changed was having a little more faith and more importantly asking difficult questions to myself and being honest with them. Why I am doing the things I'm doing(or not doing). Of course ,none of the answers came as soon as I asked the questions. It was and still is a rather bumpy ride, with some days of absolute clarity , some days of foggy thoughts and somewhere in between lies the answer I need.
I recently came across these words "choose your hard" and I'm finding comfort in them when there is a difficult task ahead. I used to think that if we do what we love, everything feels easy : decisions, people-management ,handling new things-to name a few. However, right now, while I'm doing something that I love, most of the time I'm occupied with tasks that are far from easy or comfortable. The only difference is my willingness to do it irrespective of it being easy or difficult. And slowly its dawning on me that it will get harder and more challenging.
Funnily enough, it doesn't scare me if I'm going to fail at this . What scares me more is the possibility of finding myself not willing to do it anymore.
Maybe loving something is simply a choice(simple, not easy). And I hope I choose to love always.
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